An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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