Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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