I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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