I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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