it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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