so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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