apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
