just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found a bag of teeth...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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