I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
