at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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