do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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