Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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