I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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