I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
