Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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