I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
