Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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