We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
