I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
