How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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