Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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