Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
