Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
