By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
