I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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