so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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