youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
