Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
