loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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