I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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