Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
