Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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