im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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