It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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