Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
