Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
