you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
