Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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