If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
