No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
