If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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