I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think people are normalizing furries
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
