1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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