Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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