we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
