We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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