I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
