Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
