Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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