ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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