i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
