i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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