At least make sure they are 18
Why
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
