talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
